Lucky me!

This post was written for the August theme "Stay At Home Moms(SAHM) vs Working Moms (WM)" at Desi Momz Club

Yes, I am very lucky. I had the opportunity to experience both as SAHM and WM. After going through all the ups and downs, I finally wanted a bit of both worlds so, I chose part time WM and major time SAHM. Currently, I work Mon-Thurs 9-3 for a very understanding and cooperative boss. After 3, I become the "bechari" with 2 demanding bosses. Nah, I should say 3 counting my husband P too. Well, I do fulfill some of his demands too. (well I try)

Well, here is how it all started...

I grew up in a middle class family in Bombay. My mom worked very hard to raise us 4 siblings she was the bread maker whereas my dad was the sole breadwinner. I always saw my mom working, always busy with cooking, cleaning, laundry and dishes. I think watching her work so hard every day, I had subconsciously made up my mind to become a working woman and be financially sufficient.

After graduating, I was all set to look for a nice stable govt job (well, thats what all middle class girls were doing at that time). But, God had different plans for me. A few of my friends from college were all going to attend the entrance exams for MCA (well, they had bigger plans). And since we did all masti together I was dragged into this too. Unfortunately, the ones that were most interested didn't get through and I the least interested got admitted. With my dad's encouragement and support and a long lecture on how fortunate I am to get into such a prestigious college and blah blah..., I started my masters degree. Well, here is where I met my husband. Destiny - thats all I can say. After 3 yrs of projects, assignments and ofcourse dhamaal and masti, both P and I got good jobs and finally my dream had come true.

No, not so soon... P got a good offer and an opportunity to go to US. That was his big dream. We got married and without thinking twice I gave up my dream and in an instance resigned from the wonderful job and set out to be with my new dream - my husband in his dreamland.
Now, in this wonderful country of opportunities, I was all set to start a career. I had prepared my resume and then of course God had yet another plan for me, we found out that I was pregnant...(damn those faulty condomns). We were happy and everything seemed right. Without second thoughts I decided to stay home till the baby was born.

From that time till my son was 1.5yrs old we moved to 4 different cities. P had a contract with his consulting co. and had to move wherever the project was. My mom couldn't come to help me during my delivery because she had medical problems, why my MIL didn't come is not even logical - just because. Well, with God's grace my whole pregnancy and delivery was normal (well other than the labor pain that was not normal, it was evil) Anyways, M started growing up I didn't miss going to work at all. I was happy taking care of my house and my family and I loved it.

Once M started going to preschool, I started getting more free time and then all those forgotten dreams started to surface. I remembered how thousands entered and only 30 were selected for MCA. I was feeling guilty that somebody more deserving could have got the spot and become a desi Bill Gates. I felt as if I wasted a spot which somebody else was dying for. Luckily, soon enough I got a good job. It was like "meri life meh char chand lag gaye". M is my easy child. We didn't have any issues with his eating or going to daycare. Parenting seemed so easy with him. Every thing was perfect, happy family, satisfying job what more could you ask for. Well, if you have a son you could ask for a daughter and God listened.

After two years of full time job and enjoying the WM part, I became pregnant with S. S is not my difficult child but, she sure makes my life difficult. I didn't have any complications but, had a huge tummy and had miserable back problems. Nobody came for this delivery too. Well, my mom had passed away and my MIL didn't want to come - just because. I cried so hard because maybe I missed my mom and all around me other girls had so much help from their moms or MIL, that I felt very unlucky. I was very depressed during my 2nd pregnancy and just was emotionally distressed. Somehow, I got my courage and continued to work. Before S came out, I made arrangement for her. A friend in our neighborhood agreed to look after her. Everything seemed fine till S was born. The 8 week period went in a blink of an eye. Just two days before I the day I had to resume to work I had these guilty feeling of leaving my baby with somebody else. I don't remember how but, I decided to quit my job. I am very grateful to P that he supported my decision and I am also grateful that I had the liberty to take that decision as P's income was enough for us.

Well, getting back to SAHM was easy and I was enjoying it till I got a call from my ex-boss asking if I would consider working parttime. First time in my life I felt very lucky. I got flexible time, same position and salary and flexibility of long vacations during summer. As if this was not enough for somebody as greedy as me, I asked if I could take Fridays off during summer and I got that too. I feel very blessed.

I am both SAHM and a WM. For me its just a matter of choice. There is no debate as what one should opt for. It matters only what works for you and your family. Its like whether you take up a job or start your own business. It all depends on your circumstances.

If it is still not clear please refer to the other wonderful posts under this theme at DMC...

Just kidding... read them anyways - they are all awesome!

आई (Aai)

O! I miss her so much.
I lost my mom 8 yrs ago. The only thing that kept me going was my son. At that time he was only 9 months old. I still remember, it was going to be my first visit to India since I married and had a kid. She was so happy and couldn't wait to see her grandchild. Just 2 weeks before our scheduled date she had a massive heart attack. I was devastated, I couldn't believe (I didn't want to believe). I was so mad at God for taking her away from us. I was mad at myself that I didn't say 'I love you mom' as much as I should have. I could give anything to get a moment to be with her, to feel her warm touch or hear her voice.
As long as I could remember, she always took care of us four siblings and our dad. She used to do cooking, cleaning, laundry, dishes and grocery shopping too without any domesticd help. I can still smell the aroma of the chapatis she used to make. She did all the work without any 'moms night out' or 'me-time'. I can never understand how she did. I think she just had this amazing strength and was a Super mom.
Though, she didn't have any higher education, she made sure that all her kids did. She always taught my sister and I to be independent and sow this belief that we could do anything that we set our minds on. She always wanted the best for her children and never compromised with our well being.
As a person, she was very smart, intelligent, very witty, funny and a very loving and caring woman. From the age of 10, she started taking care of her siblings when grandma was busy producing them. She raised 5 sisters and 4 brothers with a little help from grandma. I think that was a start for motherhood for her. She missed her childhood all together. Its like she was a mom all her life.

Now, I have two beautiful kids and I am very grateful to God to have given me the honor of being a Mother. I always regret that I was not close to my mom and I am more determined to be a good friend to my kids. I love my "Aai" and will always miss her.

Mother tongue (father tongue?)

My kids have neither :(
I am maharashtrian and my husband is gujarati. After marriage when I went to 'sasuraal' everybody talked to me in gujarati (even my husband). My sweet B-I-L was my translator. Ours was a "love marriage" so my first goal was to impress my in-laws. I made up my mind to learn gujarati. (mostly it was bcos I wanted to know what everybody was talking about me. It was easy for them they could talk right in front of me.) A few times (actually a lot) I sensed that my MIL said something very nasty but, I still don't know what.
Anyways, like a 'pativrata' I started learning the new language and so I was able to understan if they talked slowly. I was so proud of myself and so was everybody else.
Even after coming to US I continued to speak gujarati and now I am very fluent too. But, in all this marathi got lost somewhere. Though I still speak with my father/brothers/sister in marathi, I have started (already) losing the touch.
My son spoke gujarati till he started going to school. Now he speaks only if wants to 'butter' me. He is 9yrs old now. He understands Hindi a little bit and some of gujarati but no marathi - sob sob...
Now my daughter who is 4 yrs younger than him didn't speak any Indian language at all. Her first words were 'no'.
I speak with them in gujarati and always get the answer in english. My son used to go for Hindi classes at our local hindu temple. But, after the basic alphabets he quit.
It really makes me very sad that I didn't pay enough attention. I should have been consistent and should have made them speak our language. My dad and everybody from my side of the family keep telling me to talk to the kids in marathi. Its like starting all over again.

I wanted you ask you guys how do you deal with language issues.
If you ask my kids what is your mother tongue, they would say, "mm....pink!"